I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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