dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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