You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
