I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
