he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
