my shit smells like andre
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
