She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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