Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
