You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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