I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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