i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
