I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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