guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
