I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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