What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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