Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
