Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
