I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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