I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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