I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
