I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
