Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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