This girl is more easily done than said...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
