What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
