apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
