we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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