No stitches, just platelets and will power
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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