I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
