i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
