So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
