Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
