It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
