You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
