Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
kristin has been a bad kristin
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
