i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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