i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
