Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
