Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
