dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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