I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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