Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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