it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
