the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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