I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, beer. Big fan.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
