It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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