Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
