you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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