I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
