Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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