Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need moral support for this bender
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
